Something to Lose
by anna24452
Summary: After six months, Meredith Grey returns to Seattle Grace with a little surprise of her own. How will her friends react to her news? More importantly, how will the father of her child? Meredith must break the news of her pregnancy and learn to keep living through the constant chaos of life.
1. Chapter 1

I paced the halls of Seattle Grace frantically. In a matter of minutes I would be faced with a mob of angry, questioning faces with no escape. Y _ou did this to yourself._ I kept telling myself. There was no real reason to come back to Seattle, yet I felt drawn to the city I once called home.

I'd spent the last six months in Los Angeles learning to cope with my current situation. On the day I fled Seattle, I wasn't sure I'd make it anywhere. I was terrified, angry, and so sad. I still am on occasion. Luckily, with the help of Addison I got back on my feet and moved on. The irony of our situation was almost too much to handle. The rejected ex wife and the rejected ex mistress made quite the pair.

Ultimately, I couldn't stay with her. I knew I couldn't hide forever. That brought me to my current predicament. In just two minutes the nurses would page my friends to the Chief's office. There I would see them for the first time in six months. My body was practically jumping out of my skin. Things would be different if I had said goodbyes or given some sort of explanation. Unfortunately, I didn't do any of those things. In fact, I'd been ignoring any and all attempts at communication from them. The only calls from Seattle that I would take were from the chief.

Richard knew exactly what was happening. I had to tell him something when I asked to take a leave of absence. Plus, he always acted as a calming presence in my chaotic life. He always had advice to give when there wasn't a good outcome in sight. He was the one who suggested I return to Seattle Grace. I made my way to the chief's office. He was sitting at his desk going over paperwork. When I entered the room, he immediately jumped up. "Meredith!" He exclaimed. He slowly approached me as if I was an animal he was worried about spooking. "How are you?" "

I'm great." Richard gave me a skeptical look. "Really." I held my arms out and embraced him in an awkward yet somehow loving hug. This experience brought us together. He patted my back and pulled away. "Have the nurses paged them?"

He smiled. "Not yet. They were waiting for a final okay from me." I nodded and sat down on the small leather couch, mentally and physically exhausted. "How are you feeling? Addison told me about that scare last week. She almost killed me for suggesting you come back."

I smiled half-heartedly to assure the worried man and said, "Still not 100%, but much better. She bit my head off too when I asked about the possibility of traveling. I finally got her to agree with one concession— she had to come along."

"Oh lord. That should make this easier." Richard laughed.

"I'm really just trying to figure this thing out. It's not exactly an ideal situation." I sighed and looked through the glass panes at the hospital that I'd spent more nights in than my actual home. Nurses bustled about attending to patients, visitors searched for their specific room numbers, and residents were lecturing interns about everything they didn't know but somehow should have. I missed it. I hadn't set foot in an operating room since I'd left and I was having serious withdrawals. It was time to return.

The chief placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and asked, "Are you ready?" I took a deep breath and nodded. He smiled and stepped to the door. "I'm going to step out and give you all some privacy." Before he left his office, he offered one more piece of advice. "They're going to be angry. They're going to be sad and upset. You can explain your situation and justify you leaving as much as you want, but that can only go so far. Just tell them you're sorry for hurting them. You're human and humans make mistakes. They'll learn to forgive you." With that, he left the small room.

 _Breathe. Just breathe. You are Meredith Grey. Resident. Surgical prodigy. You will be fine._ No matter what I told myself, the nerves wouldn't stop. Shortly, my friends would see me for the first time in half a year. Richard was right. They were going to be furious with me. They would question everything I did. I could only hope that they would forgive me for lying and ignoring them for so long. Maybe I had put this off for so long because I was afraid they wouldn't forgive me. This wasn't something I could do alone.

 _Breathe. You'll be fine. They will understand._ The doorknob turned and the door cracked open. I stood up to meet them. _They will understand that you did what you had to do to protect yourself. They will understand that you did what you had to do to protect your unborn baby. They have to_.

 _ **Author's Note:** Hello everyone! I hoped you like my first installment in this story. I'm not sure what direction this will take yet, but I'm excited for you all to figure it out with me. I love getting suggestions and reviews so make sure to comment. Thanks for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2

My pulse quickened as the door opened. It took everything I had not to vomit or pass out. Christina's head popped around the corner, searching for the chief. "Chief? Hello?" She opened the door wider and made eye contact with me. The shock on her face was priceless. Christina Yang was not easily the surprised type. I could only imaging what she was seeing though. For the first time in six months Christina saw me and I looked like hell. My jeans and sweater were not exactly my style- then again, maternity clothes really aren't anyone's style. Addison bought me a new wardrobe when I finally couldn't fit in my college sweatshirts anymore. My very pregnant belly stuck out so far that I couldn't see my feet anymore. On any given day, I was lucky to wear matching shoes. My face revealed how terrified I was by my flushed cheeks and what I was sure was a growing greenish color from my nervous stomach.

She opened the door further and stepped toward me. One by one, my old friends filed in. Alex then Izzie then George all entered the office with curious faces, all expecting to see the chief. All blindsided by my presence. The room echoed the awkward silence. Finally, Christina spoke up, "Meredith?"

I smiled reassuringly, trying to recover from my terrified state. "Hi Christina." With those words, my friends crowded around me, smothering me with a hug. I breathed a sigh of relief. Reconciling with my friends was going far better than expected. They were going to forgive me and everything was going to go back to normal. "Aren't you supposed to yell at me?" I questioned.

"Shh. Hug now. Fight later." Izzie said and squeezed tighter.

Everyone released from the hug and I started to tell them how glad I was to see them, but Alex interrupted, "Where the hell have you been?"

"Yeah, Mer. What the hell?" Christina added and hit me on the shoulder. "You disappear for months and come back knocked up? No explanation. No goodbye." I quickly realized that this wasn't as easy as anticipated.

"I know. And I'm sorry." I took a deep breath. "I'll tell you everything you want to know."

"We want to know everything." George spoke up for the first time, clearly angry.

I cleared my throat and began to relive the last seven months.


	3. Chapter 3

June

"You look like shit." Christina said to me as entered the locker room. I sneered at her and laid down on a bench.

George hovered near me, overly concerned as usual. "She's right, Mer. You don't look so great. Are you sick?" I responded with a not-so-subtle leave me alone groan. Sweat stuck all over my body and my face was burning. I knew that if I moved even one inch or simply spoke that I would end up running to the toilet to hurl. I held my stomach in agony.

"She's just hungover." Christina responded for me. "She had a few too many shots last night." I rolled my eyes. Like she didn't have just as many as I did.

Alex entered the room and headed straight for his locker. "We really need to talk about your love for tequila, Mer." He laughed and began changing into his scrubs. "Just wait 'till Bailey sees her."

I groaned again and my stomach turned, sending me running straight to the toilet. I quickly remembered my tequila binge last night as the contents of my stomach emptied into the bowl. I laid my head on the cool porcelain and tried to collect myself. "I can't believe that none of you are as hungover as me. We had the same drinks." I whined to my coworkers.

Christina threw me a towel. "You're just a lightweight."

"Hey, I like that in a woman." Alex laughed from the doorway.

I barely got out the words "You're a pig" before the second round of vomit came. I ran through the previous night in my head. We went to Joe's to blow off steam after a particularly long shift. We started drinking— tequila obviously. I remembered everything from that night and at no point did I feel like I was passing that dreadful hangover limit.

"What the hell is going on here?" I let my head hang when I heard that voice. Bailey stood in the doorway, furiously tapping her foot.

Trying to help, George offered, "Meredith's not feeling well."

"Too many shots." Alex chimed in.

"Thank you Karev. As if I couldn't smell that from the hallway. Yang you're with Shepherd today. Stephens, Karev to the pit. O'Malley the chief wants you on his service today. As for you Grey, you can get your tequila butt attached to a banana bag or go home. Your choice." With that Bailey left with a swift slam of the door.

My friends dispersed to their respective duties and wished me well on their way. I stood up, gaging my ability to work. Headache? No. Dehydration? Nope. Light sensitivity? No. I didn't have the normal hangover symptoms (besides the vomiting). Maybe I was just sick. The nachos from Joe's last night didn't exactly look health inspector approved.

Another thought hit me with a sudden ferocity. Could I be pregnant? Derek and I were always careful. We always used condoms and I always took the pill. I couldn't think of when my last period was. Shit. I stood up and tried to gather myself. Splashing some water on my face, I contemplated the concept of having Derek's baby. It's not like we were some sort of secret. And he would make an amazing father. But I was just starting out in my career and it wasn't the time for a child.

Either way, I knew I had to find out for sure before freaking out too much. I could do a simple blood test but I'd risk the lab tech finding out. Instead, I grabbed my phone and dialed the number for my gynecologist. There was no way to see a doctor in this hospital without it getting out.

"Doctor Cindea's office. How can I direct your call?" the receptions asked.

"This is Meredith Grey. I'm a patient of Dr. Cindea. I need to schedule an appointment as early as possible." I said frantically.

"And what is this appointment in regards to?"

"I think I might be pregnant. I really just need to get in as soon as possible."

The receptionist made a little noise of understanding and began typing on her computer. "It appears Dr. Cindea's 9:00 appointment was canceled. Can you be here then?"

"Absolutely. Thank you so much."

I hung up the phone, grabbed my purse, and sprinted for the door not even bothering to change out of my scrubs. Just as I turned right out of the locker room, I slammed into Derek. I bounced back surprised by the obstacle.

"Meredith?" He questioned, holding my shoulders to steady me. "Are you okay? I heard you were sick."

I gave him a half hearted smile. "Yeah. Totally fine. Just a little hungover. I'm trying to get out of here before I hurl again."

He let go of my shoulders and took a step back. "Good idea." He gave one of his famous Derek Shepherd smiles and said, "My shift ends at 8. I'll be over to check on you as soon as I get out of here." I nodded and he kissed my forehead. I resumed my run out of the hospital, not stopping for anyone. I fumbled with my keys but eventually got the car stated. In the blink of an eye, I was at my doctor's office.

I'd never had a problem with waiting before, but today that wait to see my doctor seemed to take years. Worse, pregnant women were everywhere. They were standing beside me, huddled in groups talking, sitting next to me reading magazines. It was like they could sense the possible pregnancy. Just being around them made me freak out. I wasn't ready to be one of those women. Completely devoted to another person. Hell, I couldn't even commit to Derek.

"Dr. Grey?" I hurriedly followed the nurse who took me to the back. She weighed me, tested my blood pressure, and drew some blood for the pregnancy test. Then she directed me to my room. "Put on the gown please. Dr. Cindea will be with you shortly."

I changed and sat on the table. There was no way I was pregnant. We were so careful. Derek and I weren't ready to bring a child into this world. But there were alternatives to actually raising a child. I could get an abortion and never have to tell anyone about this. I considered that for a moment then ultimately decided it wasn't for me. I had the ability and the means to care for a child. Abortion just didn't seem like the right option for me. Adoption could be a possibility. I could go away for a few months and give the baby to a nice family. I stopped myself. There was no point in figuring this out yet because there probably wasn't a baby to worry about in the first place.

I heard three knocks before the door opened to Dr. Cindea. "Hello Dr. Grey. How are you today?"

"I'm okay."

She gave an understanding smile. "So, your chart says that you think you might be pregnant."

"Yes. I would have done the blood test myself. I just wanted to keep things quiet in case."

"I'm glad you came to me. Your blood work is positive." Shit. "I want to go ahead and do an ultrasound to confirm." I moved to the correct position and she turned on the ultrasound monitor. Within seconds, the picture displayed my greatest fear. The black and white specks showed the tiny baby very obviously growing inside of me. "And that, Meredith, is your baby. I'd say you're just about 7 weeks along. I'm just going to go ahead and print out a picture for you."

I tried to hold them back. I tried to keep them from coming, but the tears fought their way out. "I. Can't. Be. Pregnant." I gasped out between sobs.

Dr. Cindea put a hand on my shoulder. "There are options if you decide that this is something that you really can't do Meredith. But most women come to decide that this is a good thing— even if the child is a surprise. In the mean time, congratulations." She handed me the photograph and everything suddenly became real. This was my baby. I was having a baby. Derek and I were going to be parents. 


End file.
